Ep. 40 Using Play to Heal Perfectionism
Listen to this episode of Align and Expand on the player above, or find it on Apple or Spotify.
Ever feel like perfectionism is standing in the way between you and success?
Join me in today’s conversation with mindset coach Kara Latta where we go on a journey of how to reconnect with your authentic self through play.
Kara teaches us how to use mindset and play to ditch perfectionism, overcome self-doubt and heal our inner child.
In this episode you will learn:
- Who is your inner child
- Why we all need inner child healing
- How to use play in our lives to heal perfectionism
- How to change the lens of your life from fear of judgment and worry to a lens of wonder and fun
- So much more!
Transcript of the episode
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Kara Latta 0:00
I love about the inner child is it really holds our creative power and like manifester abundance. So, when we suppress this part of us or when we start taking life too seriously, by example, for refusing to play their inner child, we actually impede our ability to find happiness. And when that happens, you know, subconscious behavior is created like through this unresolved emotional experiences. So a lot of our emotional relational behavioral difficulties are coming from our wounded inner child. So
Loren Runion 0:29
you’re listening to the Align and expand podcast. Join your host, Loren Runion in conversations that will inspire you to intentionally create a life you love. What’s up, everybody? Welcome back to another episode of align and expand podcast. I’m your host, Loren runion. And I am very excited to dive into Episode 40 with you guys. So episode 40 is all about how to heal your inner child and perfectionism with play. And you may be really new to the concept of play, because I certainly was until I found Kara and I found her on Facebook, but started following along on Instagram, and became really mindful of how much I’m playing and the perfectionism that I attached to when I play. And this has been very eye opening for me. So I hope that it is the conversation is as eye opening for you. Kara just a little bit more about her. She is the founder and chief fun officer of the playful warrior, and a play and mindset coach. She is also a Certified Hypnotherapist hip hop and Latin dancer, finger painter, bright red lipstick wearer and your biggest cheerleader, Kara created thought play. And it’s the only eight week one on one play and mindset coaching program designed to help you ditch perfectionism, overcome self doubt and heal your inner child. So you can create a life that lights you up from the inside out, we dive all into those things. So it’s going to be a great conversation. I also wanted to just remind you that if you guys are interested in joining me for the March cohort for magnetic framework, group coaching, that waitlist is open, and it’s ready for you to jump on there. We just started the magnetic framework January cohort this week, and I the first class already powerful, I can already see shifts happening. And it’s just a really amazing experience. So if you want more information, the link is in the show notes. And I also wanted to tell you, for anybody who’s not following along with me on Instagram, you miss a lot of updates. And one of them as I have two new things that are going to be coming soon. I don’t know the dates, but I just want you to be on the lookout for them. One of them is going to be a quarterly free money mindset. Healing, basically your limiting belief remover that I’m going to start doing quarterly and it’s free, it’s not attached to anything, I’m not selling you anything. It’s not one of those webinars where I’m going to try and sell you something it’s legit going to be like coming to a coaching session with me. And it’s going to be with a group and I’m going to offer it probably the last Sunday of each quarter so that you can set an intention moving into your next quarter, a powerful intention. And also relief is released some limiting beliefs along the way. And so it’ll be a set limiting belief, a different one that we do each quarter, I think you’re gonna love it, we’ll probably do some all kinds of healing. So I hope that you join me Be on the lookout for when I start releasing the signups for it. I don’t have it yet. These all just came to me this week, these ideas. And then the next thing that’s going to be coming is going to be a money mindset program, it’s going to be coming May or June, then events called financial flow. And it is going to be it’s going to be a 28 day program to help you release limiting beliefs around money. And it’s going to be a self paced program. But there’s going to be four calls where you can come and do a q&a, we will be releasing money blocks like it’s hard to make money or money doesn’t flow to me easily. We’re going to be releasing money blocks such as I’m not able to make the money I want doing what I’m doing kind of like that starving artist syndrome. And we will be releasing other ones and so you will have the chance to really create an open up your financial flow. By going through this 28 Day Program. It’s going to be really affordable, it’s only going to be 595. And you get to have the self paced program. You are going to be healing your chakras because your chakras. You can have some blocked chakras that are keeping you from really bringing in your manifestations. It’s going to be powerful. Those are all the details I have for now. That’s all I got. Be on the lookout for it. If you’re excited then make sure you reach out and tell me on Instagram that you’re excited for these programs. And that’s it. There is other news you guys. I love when you leave me a review on iTunes. It is so awesome. And it makes me feel like I’m really you guys are hearing me and you’re out there and you’re liking it and it helps spread the word but guess what on Spotify, you can And now leave a review. So if you’re following me, if you’re a Spotify listener, and you hit follow, then you will have the ability to leave a five star review, which I would super appreciate. Thank you guys for being here. I hope you’re having a wonderful week. And let’s dive into Episode 40. Hi, Kara, how are you?
Kara Latta 5:18
I’m doing well. Thank you. How are you? Lauren?
Loren Runion 5:20
I’m fantastic. Thank you so much for being here today.
Kara Latta 5:24
I’m so excited to be here and to chat with you. Yeah, I
Loren Runion 5:27
found you. So I found you on the Yes supply Facebook group. And you posted. I mean, it’s so funny because like, I’m sure you had some reason that you decided to post it that day on the Facebook group, but you posted a story about like following through and listening to your intuition and don’t listen to what anybody else says. And it like I almost tear up thinking about it now was like exactly what I needed to hear. And I’m like, well, I need to connect with her. So thank you for being here.
Kara Latta 5:54
Oh, I love that. Thank you for sharing that. And yeah, I mean, I just know how many times people haven’t supported my journey. And it would have just been such a shame to like, abandon yourself. And I mean, and all the other people who need your message as well. So definitely, with all of my work, I hope to like help people cultivate self trust and to listen to what feels good for you and not other people.
Loren Runion 6:15
So important. That’s a message that I tried to reiterate as much as possible, because I believe in even though it’s I mean, for me, it’s it’s it’s hard to do, even though you know, you should do it, you know, sometimes you get sucked into it, you’re like, Oops, I’m doing it again.
Kara Latta 6:30
Totally. And I think that’s why, you know, having like mindset strategies, and for me, like inner child healing and re parenting has been really important way of Yeah, being my own best friend and like advocating for myself, even when there are those like Outer Critics, or as you mentioned, sometimes an inner critic comes up as well. But that’s why we do this work. And I’m sure you got certified in these modalities to help you as well.
Loren Runion 6:53
Right, right. And I can’t wait to learn more about about the inner child and using like you use something different you use play to help fix it. So I can’t wait to dive into it. But before we do, would you mind just telling everyone who you are, what it is that you do the audience that you serve?
Kara Latta 7:08
Yeah, so I am the founder and the chief fun officer be playful warrior. I’m a play and mindset coach for adults. And essentially, I help people reconnect with their inherent playfulness, uninhibited creativity. And you know, this sense of wonder in life, and I do all this to help heal perfectionism, self doubt and shame, so that we can really live as the most fully expressed version of ourselves, right? So I work with a lot of people who have that fear of judgment, or Yeah, fear of criticism, and offer me what is really helped me has been a combination of play and inner child healing, and then subconscious reprogramming as well.
Loren Runion 7:54
That’s awesome. How did you get into it? Like, how did you? How did you know play was something that would heal you? Have you always been playful? Like for me, and I’m sure a lot of people listening as you I feel like as I’ve moved along, along in my life, and as more responsibilities have piled on, or you know, now I am a mom of three, the play leaves, less I’m drinking, there’s not a lot of play. So I like how did you know that that was that? Was it for you?
Kara Latta 8:21
Totally. This is an amazing question. I’m not always been playful. I mean, when I came into the world, yes, I was very playful as a little kid. I was, you know, I would like clap every time it was time to eat. I would just dance around anytime neighbors were coming. I was so in my full expression. As many kids are right. We are curious, creative, vulnerable, playful. But then obviously, that gets taken away for months as it did me. You know, I was told my playfulness was too much. I became a caretaker in my family. I started achieving in pleasing and you know, taking on people pleasing as a trauma response, as a way to get that love and validation that I didn’t feel like I had, right because a lot of us as kids learned that love is like conditional, you have to do things in a certain way to get love, right. And that’s where perfectionism really comes from. So that was totally my story. So I was a total perfectionist people pleaser, codependent, and essentially started working in the corporate world, because, you know, a I was told that you can’t make money doing what you love. And you know, corporate kind of seemed secure, even though I was like, totally miserable there. And there’s nothing wrong with the corporate world. It was just for me, I knew it wasn’t for me, but I was just really, really stuck. And then I kind of had a dark night of the soul a few years ago, which is essentially a spiritual crisis where everything in your life breaks down. And so for me, I had a partnership and I had a cockroach infestation for many months. And so I had like, extreme anxiety. They were everywhere. They were in my bedroom, my kitchen, my bathroom, just like everywhere and it was really the spiritual side I think. I also have like health issues like having seizures and epilepsy, miserable my job going through childhood wounds and like, you know, doing all this heavy healing. And basically, then COVID came, I lost my job. And then I was kind of like nothing. And it was from that point that although I was freaking out, there was this part of my soul that was being like, Okay, finally, like, this is your freaking chance to, like, start over again. And I didn’t know what it was gonna look like. But, you know, I had been doing inner child healing. And doing a lot of this, like healing going therapy. And it was always so heavy, like, the healing process was always so heavy. It was like sitting in your shadow doing Shadow Work and like exploring emotions and like sitting in anger and sitting in sadness, which is all really, really important. But it was like, where’s the joy? And so I had a therapist recommend, oh, you should try like, playing right? And I was like, What do you mean player? Like, what does that even mean? And I, you know, for me, it’s like, Okay, I like to dance. But there’s like a few things I like to do. But I soon started exploring what play actually meant. And I realized it wasn’t played. Because play is really about doing things with no outcome. It’s about being in the present moment, being curious. And yeah, exploring your curiosity. So for example, all the dance I was doing was kind of competitive, like it was based on an outcome it was based on, like, trying to look good. When play isn’t about that at all. There is no like perfectionism included in play. And so anytime I was like playing a board game, I wanted to win. You know, it was like that kind of thing. It was like always wanting that validation. So my play was like, very curated or choreographed. So I realized it wasn’t doing that. But I was fascinated by the idea of play. And I started studying it. And the science behind it was just like blown away by how important play is for our lives. Yet we are conditioned out of it by learning. It’s silly, immature, fluffy, just for kids. But yeah, play is like a necessity for creativity, or adaptability, you know, our productivity, our mental health, and while being, like, so much, like literally play helps everything. And I just got so excited by that idea. And I tried, like, looking like, Are there play coaches? Is that a thing, and I couldn’t find any play coaches, at least at the time doing my research, but I had this like, really strong desire to bring play to the world, once I started seeing how important it was, I started implementing it in my life, because, again, my life had kind of just like, broken down. So now had all this time. So I started exploring ways to play and was seeing what was happening in my life. And sure enough, everything was transforming. And I was becoming really creative. And I was getting business ideas. And just like, I was just like, this open channel for ideas, and it was a really, really cool experience. And, you know, play helps us also unconsciously figure out solutions. And for me, I feel like we’re really connected to our highest self when we play, and that’s when we can manifest a lot of abundance. So a lot was happening. And I was really excited to bring it to the world. But this is when kind of similar to what the post you just mentioned, where there was so much self doubt, and there was so much fear about building up the business, like I was like, a serious corporate professional. And then all of a sudden, I was gonna be like, Hey, everyone, like I now have a play business. And yeah, like family didn’t support that decision. A lot of friends were just like, oh, like, they weren’t excited. They were like, oh, like, I hope you have a backup or something like that. Even if they weren’t saying like, that’s a terrible idea. But it wasn’t like there was all this excitement. I had the two people in my life for like, that’s amazing energy. Yeah. So that was when I really turned to the mindset work, because I was having so many mindset blocks about really doing this play business. And then when I got certified in NLP, and hypnosis and time techniques, I was like, off to the races. Like, I was so confident I was so connected with my inner child. And I had even ended up adding it into my business, because it had just helped me so much. So then I just created this combination of playing mindset that has been really powerful for me and really powerful for my clients. Oh, it’s
Loren Runion 14:08
amazing. I can’t wait to learn more like I have, as you were talking, you have so many more questions we can get into that later. I was trying not to like I was writing them down as you were talking. And you know, it’s really funny when you were talking to there’s a little timer above us, I can see. And when you said the roach story, and you said I feel like it was a spiritual thing. I happen to look up and the number was 444. I was like, Oh, she’s I mean like, for some reason I like that. But I’m like
Kara Latta 14:35
what, it really isn’t, I mean, that’s a whole other conversation but essentially they are a symbol of like Shadow Work and like cleaning out what needs to be cleaned out and it’s like they would not leave because I Oh,
Loren Runion 14:44
that is so cool. I mean it’s cool, but annoying. I mean, I can imagine how overwhelming that was to deal with but
Kara Latta 14:50
oh yeah, yeah, I definitely don’t wish that on anyone. But anyways, I did the healing work and the cockroach. Well. I moved in then the cops.
Loren Runion 14:57
They didn’t follow So let’s dive into more about inner child work. Because I know what it is. And I know my needs healing, but I don’t necessarily I mean, I just have a very general idea. And I definitely don’t know the difference between like knowing what needs inner child healing versus what’s like the difference between that and your ego. So could we start, like with what your inner child is? How do you know I’m sure probably everyone has inner child stuff that needs to be healed, it’s probably safe to say that, like, how do we know? Or where do we start with healing the inner child?
Kara Latta 15:33
Yeah, amazing question. So your inner child is like, the little you. So they are spontaneous, and vulnerable and curious and playful and sensitive. And they experience the world with this sense of wonder and joy. And so they reside in the part of our subconscious mind, that is still innocent and childlike. So we all have an inner child, as you just mentioned, though, a lot of adults are unaware of that. But they are full of your primal needs and your feelings. And they want most importantly, love and validation and connection and safety. Also, they are totally in their self expression, you know, no matter what they’re feeling, whether that is anger, or sadness, or joy. What I love about the inner child is it really holds our creative power and like manifester abundance. So, when we suppress this part of us, or when we start taking life too seriously, by example, for refusing to play their inner child, we actually impede our ability to find happiness. And when that happens, you know, subconscious behavior is created like through this unresolved emotional experiences. So a lot of our emotional relational behavioral difficulties are coming from our wounded inner child. So basically, this means like, anytime we are getting triggered by an event in our life, this always relates to some young, unhealed part of herself. And that was really what I was fascinated, because for me, you know, I had so many patterns, repeating the same relationship pattern, and like, all these things, and like, everything that was happening in my life, even with work was like all to do with my inner child and my wounds. And then the ego is actually the protector of the inner child, you know, so the ego is like, the story that you’re familiar with and who you are as a human, it’s like how you show up in the world based on your earliest experiences and what you learn. And it protects us from those deeper wounds that we have so often, even to, like our subconscious mind will, you know, hide memories from us, because it feels like we’re not ready to know them yet. So the thing is, though, with the ego, we carry around this inner child and childlike wound as part of ourselves in in our adult life. And the ego is really functioning to keep us safe, safe in like a way that means, like, safe has familiar, so not necessarily good, right? Like safety is just in what ways, you know, things can be repeated and repeated in a way that is familiar. So although the ego, you know, is well intended to protect us, it’s not always doing that.
Loren Runion 18:04
So would it be safe to say that the ego is almost like, I guess, when you were saying that I pictured an umbrella over the inner child, and maybe you start to hear from the ego, when it senses that you’ve got something unhealed with the inner child? Or is it kind of two different voices that you may hear? Do you hear a voice from the inner child? Is it something you hear? Or is it just something? Is it just the trigger?
Kara Latta 18:28
You can absolutely hear a voice from an inner child. So it’s not like I did my whole life that was just through work I did it was learning to write to my inner child. So kind of like myself that you go, writing, like, how are you doing today? And then like, with my non dominant hand, I would respond with my inner child is the more childlike part of me. So some people name their inner child like for me, I would just say little Kara, but like, some people have like, completely different names for their inner child and that’s really up to you and your journey to kind of figure out what feels good for you. But yeah, absolutely. I mean, like even today, like I always talk with my inner child, I asked them what they want to wear. I asked them what they want to eat for dinner. So there’s really this sense of like connection between my my younger self and my adult self and obviously finding a way to like coexist in a world where you’re still being like a responsible adult, but you’re also being like, very like loving and connected to yourself and you’re finding that like safety and wholeness within because then there’s also like, you know, I think the goal is really to find harmony between the ego and the inner child and and also like, our highest self, and I think the goal is just like, yeah, co creating all this time because, you know, the higher self and US herself, just like trust the universe, right? It’s surrenders. It’s really where our intuition come from, you know, and it hasn’t have anxiety or attachments. It doesn’t make judgments, right, it just like trust in the divine. Timing of life. And I feel like you know, there are ways to get all these parts to coexist and mostly by like, turn the ego into like the loving adult who takes care of the inner child who is more conscious of how they care for the inner child, because we all are like living out our own story, but we’re so unaware often of the wounds that are really creating our destiny. So it’s like the opportunity for the ego to become aware of that, and just start, you know, nurturing the inner child as a loving adult who is also connecting to their higher self.
Loren Runion 20:32
And when someone is trying to connect with our inner child, like you’re saying that somebody needs like, you could name your inner child, is it that you have someone just kind of sit quietly and see what image like kind of pops up to know which part like which inner child you’re connecting with? Like, if that makes sense? Like, are you connecting with a really young version of yourself? Or are you connecting with, you know, your inner child? That’s from middle school who had a lot of trauma in middle school? Or is it all just, I mean, how does that work?
Kara Latta 21:00
Yeah, so we all have, we have multiple parts, right, and multiple different child so and I think it’s so important to acknowledge that you don’t just have like, one inner child for me for like, yeah, you might have your teen parts or your like, your toddler parts are like super young part. So usually, what I do is like a meditation, like, I know I do that my clients, I know, you can find them online as well. But some inner child meditations are a great way to go in the back and visualize and just see you comes up, see what age comes up, right? Like that means, you know, they need some funding to not trying to force it just like being open and receptive to a part of you wants to meet yourself. See, I would say a meditation is a great way and honestly, like playing was a great way to meet your inner child. By starting it started shows, which shows that you’re building trust with your inner child, you know, you are making a priority, you are nurturing them, you know, this thing that they’ve been told is, like, silly or immature that they so love to do. Like, you’re now actually doing that. And in the process that builds self love and self trust.
Loren Runion 22:05
And how does the inner child relate to having perfectionism or having self doubts?
Kara Latta 22:13
Yeah, because the inner child believes they aren’t enough. Unfortunately, you know, that is what they learned, they learned that love was conditional. They learned that they are unworthy, you know, they’ve learned to earn approval. And, you know, they, they essentially source their wholeness and their worth outside of themselves, because they have learned they aren’t worthy. So it’s like, the most painful childhood events are really like running the show unconsciously. Because, yeah, they’re sad they are, they might be angry, you know, there’s so many emotions, but they just at the end of the day to really sum it up, they just don’t feel like they are enough. And you know, when we don’t feel like we’re enough, that’s where perfectionism comes in, we start shape shifting and people pleasing to try to get our worth outside of us.
Loren Runion 22:58
Okay, and then so what would be the next step? So, you know, somebody realizes that maybe they’re really dealing with a lot of perfectionism right now, and they want to start healing their inner child, what would be the next step for somebody?
Kara Latta 23:14
Yeah. So, so many steps, I would say, like, first start talking to your inner child. Yeah, like start, even if they’re not going to talk back to you start building a relationship, right? So this could be just writing letters to yourself, like, you know, dear Lauren, like, I just want you to know, I’m here for you. I care about you, I promise to not leave you again, kind of thing like, I, you know, whatever, maybe you’re asking them what’s something we can do in the next week that you would love to do. And anyways, whatever kind of comes out for you, but essentially starting to write to them, starting to build a relationship, and starting to do maybe activities that they love to do as well, just so we’re building this relationship are becoming more connected, and we actually start feeling like we matter. Because so many of us, unfortunately, really abandon ourselves because we’re so worried about what other people will think. But it’s like by prioritizing you, you’ll really start feeling that harmony and that fullness within and then obviously, I’m biased, but play is a big part of this too. So making time to play with your inner child. You know, you can do things you love to do as a kid sometimes people don’t have memories of that which is totally okay. Which in that case, I mean, my I always suggest like starting to get a blindfold, and or something to cover your eyes and starting to create blindfolded. And the reason we do this is because we give ourselves permission to like, fail. Fail is like not a real word. There is no failure. But we’re not creating with this like pressure of perfectionism where something needs to look a certain way. We’re not judging ourselves. We’re just truly in that moment, allowing ourselves to create and gosh, it is just the most liberating feeling and I know For me, like, I avoided art, basically my whole life because when I was a young kid, like I was told that, you know, I was drawing out of the lines, and that was bad. So I just thought I was like bad at art, and didn’t do it. I didn’t think I was good by societal standards. But the truth is, is like we are all creators and anything we create from the heart, so beautiful. So yeah, my mission is really to get people creating again, and not thinking about creating as there’s only some people are good at it, and some people who you know, aren’t. So when we work with the blindfold, I mean, for me, like I ended up loving doing art again. Because then I was able to now I don’t even need a blindfold. But that was like kind of a way for me to start doing it again, where I was gentle on myself. And it was fun and like, plays, so sensory, and it helps us tap into our senses as well and just really be in the present moment.
Loren Runion 25:48
Do you usually encourage your clients to do some type of play that is artistic, so that you are like incorporating that side of the psyche, the left and right side of the brain? Or is it is play anything that feels good to someone is play going outside and running and playing tag is play going in the creek and you know, splashing around, whereas play like that you find that is the most beneficial and healing, you know, painting or coloring in a coloring book or playing with playdough? Like is that? Is there a better way to play? And should you have certain feelings? So, you know, since I’ve had you on my radar, I totally feel like I need more play in my life. But I’m like, Okay, well, should I be laughing? Should I be like, how should this be like, not necessarily my doing a wrong but like, is this play for me? If that makes sense?
Kara Latta 26:33
Totally. So I always say like, play is more so a mindset than an activity. So in terms of is this play? Like I would just ask you like, are you feeling curious? Like, are you feeling like you’re having fun? And can you have fun, whether you win or lose, right? So say that tagging tag could be play. But if you’re like, so focused on, I guess not being it and if you’re in like, a terrible time, and that actually like wouldn’t be play, but if you’re having fun, like prancing around your with friends doesn’t really matter. Like that could totally be play, splashing around could totally be player just like, you know, anything that brings you that joy that connects you to that curiosity. So for me, I do a mix of everything. Because my goal is to share as many ways to play as possible with my clients and like they take them on that eight week journey, where do all this stuff, they send them a play box with materials, but absolutely getting out in nature, there’s so many ways to play too. And I always say the first thing is just like lead with your curiosity and like ask questions and like this, like exploratory state. And like that’s usually when like ideas will come as well for like, how you could play. But most importantly, don’t compare your play journey to anyone else. Don’t be like, Oh, she looks like she’s having more fun than I am or any of this stuff. Because then we start getting in that perfectionism. Like, I’m not good enough comparison, shame, scarcity, all that stuff. It’s like you’re on your own plane journey. So just don’t compare yourself to anyone else. And, yeah, you follow through curiosity and just kind of check in and see how you’re feeling. You’re like, no one can tell you that’s not played, then.
Loren Runion 28:06
That’s helpful to know, because that’s what I would notice coming up as I was trying to pay more attention to having fun and playing. Like I kept feeling well, I’m not like laughing because they’re, you know, not playing like a six year old would play. But this is, you know, more. I am trying to like, you know, even being more conscious to like, pretend with my, you know, my two year old when he’s like, pretending I’m trying to get into it more. So that’s really helpful information. And something I don’t want to forget to ask because I know, people who are new to connecting with our higher self or connecting with our intuition or even learning to connect with our inner child. When you said, you may not hear anything. I guess I want to just make it clear, like you said, it’s okay, if you don’t hear anything, but when you hear something, what does it sound like? I mean, normally, it’s gonna I would like to say that it’s gonna sound like you talking to yourself in your head, like, you’re you may think that it’s not showing up, because it’s really feeling like you’re just talking to yourself in your head, but that is your inner child showing up. Do you have any advice on that?
Kara Latta 29:07
Yeah, yeah. So I mean, that definitely is how it sounds if you’re like talking to them. Or maybe it’s like when you’re writing, they actually start writing back or you have this like urge and you’re like God or something like something is coming out? Absolutely. But in terms of like advice, I would just say just be patient, like keep showing up, especially if you have lived like I did, not connected to your inner child. It can take a while for them to trust you. Right, because for so long, we have been putting others above ourselves. We have been sacrificing our needs, we have been maybe overworking or overextending ourselves and not honoring our energy not honoring our boundaries, right. So after many years of that, your inner child will feel very unlovable. Even though like you as an adult will know like consciously that’s not true, but subconsciously there are programs running that feel that way. So I think the best thing you can do as Like the loving adult, is to just show up whether or not they talk to you to just keep showing up, keep doing small daily promises of actions, you know, maybe your daily promises, like, I’m getting there to you with like, four glasses of water today or like I am going to, we’re going to do a nice fun exploratory walk or something like that, where you’re making promises. And they’re seeing that you’re keeping those promises. So you’re building that rapport and that connection. And soon enough, they will start talking back, you know, you will start hearing that voice in your head. And I know, that was advice I really needed just because I didn’t have an inner child who like, wrote right away back at me or like, had anything to say, but I know, I just kept showing up. And I know I kept playing and then after a while, they felt like they were seen and heard by me for like the first time.
Loren Runion 30:51
And then would it be safe to say that somebody could also talk to their inner child when they are maybe in a situation where it’s like a repeat pattern or a repeat something that keeps happening like a fight with a loved one, or you know, the same kind of fight that keeps coming up over and over again, where you’re triggered, or any kind of event that’s triggering you for you to stop and like silently ask your child, your inner child like, what do you need from me right now? Or what’s making you feel this way? That would? Would that be also be a good opportunity to talk to them?
Unknown Speaker 31:21
Yeah, such a great, great opportunity, for sure. Right? Like, ask them how they’re feeling. Let them know you’re there for them. It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to get angry. It’s okay to get angry at me. I’m also like asking what they want in terms of like, their needs, like I know, you can learn like, for example, say your inner child feels like it wants to, like you want to eat a lot of candy right now or something right? asking like, okay, like, why is my inner child feeling so empty, that it needs to eat candy, not in the way of like judgment or shame. But there’s just likely underlying reasons that your inner child needs this candy, you know, maybe there’s some feelings there, or they need some support might they might be feeling empty, it might be saying something about some fears or beliefs. So the more you can like, nurture it and ask them questions, always just letting them know that like you are there for them, you know, you’re not going away, you love them. Your happiness is the most important thing in the world to me, you know, letting them know, it’s okay to make mistakes. You’re lovable, you know, either way, but yeah, I think just like, finding moments to have that dialogue throughout the day is so beautiful.
Loren Runion 32:28
And then when we play, and it starts to heal, does the play help you relieve the perfectionism and the self doubt? Because you’re healing your inner child? Or is it also because you’re learning to like, let go of the perfectionism at the same time? Or does it you think it just I mean, it sounds like, it’s probably two powerful things that are happening at the same time, you know, the more you put yourself in a situation where you’re exposed to that feeling, and then working through it, you’re gonna heal it, but also, you’re doing some inner work at the same time.
Kara Latta 32:57
Exactly. I think it is like that twofold thing. And I know, like, when I start my program, a lot of clients are like, Oh, my God, finger painting, like, don’t really want to do that. But then they do it. And they’re ended up it’s like, their favorite thing in the world. Because you know, people is perfectionist like they’re so used to, I don’t know, just doing things like by the book or like, not, not this feeling of like being messy, and they don’t know how they’ll feel. But it’s like, they end up loving that because it’s like, finally I can like liberate myself into self expression, not having to be this perfect. Put together person. So yeah, when we play, it’s just like giving yourself permission to explore, it feels like you’re taking a load off. And I think too, it’s like, yeah, you’re learning to trust yourself, because authentically, you were playful, and you’re returning to that. And you know, we have been taught to doubt ourselves and to stray away from our true nature. And by reclaiming play, you’re like reclaiming and owning who you really are. My own view, you really are. I think you find confidence in that. Right? Like, like, even though society is telling me this, like, I know, and this resonates with me and my inner child. And like, in that act of playing again, there’s just so much more like, confidence and self assuredness. And like, for me, it’s really how I cultivated a lot of self worth. And you know, when you have that self worth, you don’t feel those perfectionistic tendencies or self doubt as much anymore.
Loren Runion 34:20
What would be something somebody could do? If they’re a really busy person, they’re really, you know, their life is already has a lot going on in it and they can’t go out and buy Finger Paints, like what’s something they can do at home? Like if they are they’re listening right now. And they’re super inspired to try play? What’s something somebody could do without having to purchase something that’s playing?
Kara Latta 34:40
Yeah, I mean, how the kitchen dance party, right? Like, that’s such an easy thing that doesn’t require you buying anything. But I think most importantly, stop thinking of play as separate from work great. Often we think of like you work, and then you play. Start thinking about how you can integrate play in your day. So maybe you’re just like, going to play Coffee, get more coffee, right? Like do like a twirl on the way. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Right. So it’s like it’s really simple things that you can do to stay in that playful, playful mindset. Another thing that’s huge is playful problem solving. So playfulness and problem solving will friggin change your life, it is so amazing. So like, for example, when you’re feeling really stressed like that is when you need to play the most. So why don’t you come up with playful solutions that make no sense at all, like ridiculous solutions you could never do for this problem. But you start putting your mind on that you start shifting your attention. So then you start getting in this lighter energy. And once you’ve kind of made this really silly list, that makes no sense, then you can actually approach your probe problem back with more realistic solutions, but you’re going to be doing it from a different energy, this lighter energy that is more open to solutions.
Loren Runion 35:50
I love that. So like you could be talking about how am I gonna pay this bill and you’re going to write down a list like, I’m going to make peanut butter and jelly. And like, I really like that idea. Yeah. And even it makes it makes me think of like one of the manifestation techniques where you can write things that you’re grateful for, and make it like, some of its real and some of it’s not like, I’m really grateful for having two arms. And then I’m really grateful for, you know, having a jet that flies to the moon. And that’s when it’s not real, but that you know, you keep going on. So you get yourself used to, like those feelings. That’s what that reminds me of. So that sounds really fun.
Unknown Speaker 36:27
Yeah, it’s so fun, right? It’s like, I’m going to go buy a pirate costume and like dance on the street, like things that like just make no sense at all, to whatever problem this is. But again, it’s getting us out of this really stuck, anxious state. And that’s what play is an amazing thing to do.
Loren Runion 36:43
Is there anything else that you feel like anybody should know, before we wrap up? That would be really important about like, the inner child healing or like learning how to play?
Kara Latta 36:52
I think we covered like, mostly everything I would want to say. I’m just trying to make sure. Yeah, I mean, if you feel just like, you know, maybe play isn’t for you, or maybe you’ve tried it, and you’re like, I’m not good at it, or there’s resistance, just know that it is for you. Like don’t give up, just start taking those small, little steps. Because yeah, I truly believe everyone is playful. Everyone can learn to play again, it will honestly just change your life in the best way. And it is so possible.
Loren Runion 37:29
I like that. And I like you’re saying small little steps. Because even for me, I’ve tried to think like, Okay, what is it that I used to do that was a little more out of like, not just so seriousness, like, get stuff done throughout the day? Like you’re saying dance in the kitchen? Like, could I just play some music while I’m cooking and see what happens? Could we explore this a little bit because you used to? And then you stopped because you’re so busy? And you know, can you do this? So that’s one of the things that I’ve been trying to do. And I like, I think I feel like that’s a really little step somebody could do is just think about what is it something that I used to do, maybe when I was 21, you know, you’re older, if you’re 40, like listening, that you could start incorporating back into your day, or exploring.
Kara Latta 38:09
Yeah, and then the cool thing is, is like, once you start playing, like, you’re just gonna notice your energy shift, even throughout the day, even if it’s political, literally a two minute dance or two minutes, shaking meditation or something like that. It’s like, it will shift your energy, it will open what you receive, like from universe. It’s really so cool. And I just find the more I play like, the more ideas I get. It’s just like, yeah, it’s It’s so wild how you know, when you’re going on a walk, or you’re going on a shower, like, that’s when your ideas come into seeing what is with play. So often, we’re taught to like, overwork, and like, be at a computer all day, and just like grinder gurus, but it’s like, that’s not our best ideas come like we need to refresh, we need to take care of ourselves. And a big part of that is playing.
Loren Runion 38:53
And shaking, you mentioned shaking. And that is, if anybody’s not, I probably won’t be able to explain it very well. But it’s exactly what it sounds like. And it is the first time I did it after I got done. It was amazing. It was really fun. And it’s it’s really something that’s very natural for like animals in the wild to regulate your nervous system. And it’s something that we don’t do, because we feel like it’s not appropriate. So definitely, like if anyone’s curious, you can look up shaking on YouTube. And that’s exactly what it sounds like, you know, you start with a hand and the other hand and your arms and move around and move that energy out. So I’m glad you mentioned that.
Kara Latta 39:28
Yeah, I actually do that in every session with my clients. We always start with a shaky meditation to let go of things that aren’t serving you so that you can be really present in the moment for the session.
Loren Runion 39:38
Yeah, and then it can be fun and be like play if you put on music that’s fun. Like that’s an it’s like sometimes they like to combine it with rage dancing at the same time. So both at the same. Well, where can everyone find you if they would like to connect with you after listening to this podcast?
Kara Latta 39:54
Yeah, you can find me at the playful word upon or my Instagram is at the playful worrier, and I have some freebies you can download to tap into more play. I also have an eight week program thought play that combines the power of neuroscience as well as playfulness and uninhibited creativity to really help you heal your inner child and perfectionism.
Loren Runion 40:16
Well, thank you so much for being here. And thank you for sharing your knowledge and your expertise in play and inner child healing.
Kara Latta 40:22
Thank you for having me.
Loren Runion 40:26
Thank you so much for listening to another episode of The Align and expand podcast. If you’re an iTunes listener, and you loved this episode, please leave a review. And if you leave a review, send me a screenshot and then I will be sending you a special exclusive meditation made only for my listeners who are so kind enough to take time out of their day to leave a review of the podcast.
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