Examples of Negative Self-Talk That are Keeping You Stuck (and How to Stop)

When your everyday life is filled with a negative internal narrative, you live a life that leads to a lot of stress that can eventually have a significant impact on your overall quality of life, stop you from going after your dreams and live a life of regret.

As a certified Life and Mindset Coach with years of experience, I am sharing real-life examples I see every day in my business that hold women back in their lives. This post will help you identify examples of negative self-talk that might be showing up in your mind on a regular basis as well as how to stop the cycle of negative thinking.

What is negative self-talk

Negative self-talk refers to the internal dialogue or thoughts that are critical, pessimistic, and derogatory towards oneself. It is the voice in our minds that focuses on our flaws, shortcomings, and perceived failures, often leading to feelings of self-doubt, low self-esteem, and anxiety.

Negative self-talk should also include things that you may not be saying about yourself but your life circumstances. I explain it to my clients like this: It is any type of talk that is leading you away from the life you would like to live.

For example at the beginning of changing my internal narrative journey, I could catch myself saying things like “Why does no one else take out the garbage”, “I am the only one doing work in this house”, and “I am so frustrated”. As you can see this isn’t self-talk about me, but they are conversations that lead to more frustration and negativity than a life a love.

Negative self-talk takes various forms, such as self-criticism, self-blame, and self-doubt. People engaged in negative self-talk might constantly berate themselves for making mistakes, believing they are not good enough or worthy of success. They might magnify small errors and ignore their achievements, leading to a distorted perception of their abilities.

Sometimes the negative self-talk takes the form of joking around like, “I am so clumsy” or
“I would lose my head if it wasn’t attached I am so forgetful”.

This detrimental inner dialogue can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, as negative thoughts often translate into negative behaviors and outcomes. Your words don’t just describe your reality they create it.

For instance, someone who constantly tells themselves they are socially awkward might withdraw from social situations, reinforcing their belief and making it difficult to improve social skills.

The roots of negative self-talk can be traced back to various sources, including past experiences, childhood upbringing, societal influences, and comparison with others. Unattainable standards set by society or family members may lead individuals to criticize themselves harshly when they fail to meet these expectations.

Breaking free from negative self-talk is crucial for mental well-being and personal growth. Strategies like mindfulness and self-compassion can be powerful tools for challenging and reframing these negative thoughts.

Types of negative self-talk

Negative self-talk can take various forms and can be categorized into different types based on the content and nature of the thoughts. Some common types of negative self-talk include:

1. Catastrophizing: Assuming the worst possible outcome in a situation and believing that things will always go wrong.
2. Personalization: Blaming yourself for events or outcomes that are beyond your control, assuming responsibility for things that are not your fault.
3. Overgeneralization: Making sweeping negative conclusions based on isolated incidents. For example, thinking that one mistake means you’re always a failure.
4. Filtering: Focusing solely on the negative aspects of a situation while ignoring any positive aspects or achievements.
5. Black-and-White Thinking: Seeing things in extreme terms, without recognizing shades of gray. You may view yourself as either perfect or a complete failure, without acknowledging any middle ground.
6. Mind Reading: Assuming you know what others are thinking, usually assuming the worst, without any evidence to support such assumptions.
7. Should Statements: Using rigid and critical “should” or “shouldn’t” statements to judge yourself. For example, “I should have known better” or “I shouldn’t feel this way.”
8. Labeling: Attaching negative labels to yourself based on past mistakes or perceived shortcomings, defining yourself solely by your perceived flaws.
9. Discounting Positives: Belittling or dismissing positive experiences, compliments, or achievements, leading to a skewed perception of yourself.
10. Emotional Reasoning: Believing that because you feel a certain way (e.g., anxious, incompetent), it must be true, without considering evidence to the contrary.
11. Comparisons: Constantly comparing yourself to others, leads to feelings of inadequacy or envy.
12. Fortune Telling: Predicting negative outcomes without any evidence, assuming things will turn out badly, often leading to self-sabotage.

15 General negative self-talk examples

Negative self-talk can take many different forms, and individuals may experience a variety of negative thoughts about themselves. Remember your negative self-talk might not sound exactly like this, but may have a similar tone or theme. Here are 15 examples of negative self-talk:

1. “I’m such a failure; I always mess things up.”
2. “Nobody likes me; I’m unlikeable and unworthy of friendships.”
3. “I’m not smart enough to handle this; I’ll never understand it.”
4. “I’m so ugly; no one will ever find me attractive.”
5. “I’ll never be good at anything; I have no talents or skills.”
6. “I don’t deserve to be happy; I’m not worthy of love or success.”
7. “I’ll never be as successful as others; I’m just a loser.”
8. “I’m so awkward and boring; people must find me annoying to be around.”
9. “I can’t trust myself to make the right decisions; I always make mistakes.”
10. “I’ll never be able to overcome my problems; my life is just hopeless.”
11. “I’m a burden to others; they would be better off without me.”
12. “I don’t have what it takes to achieve my goals; I should just give up.”
13. “I’m too fat/skinny; I’ll never have the body I want.”
14. “I’m a fraud; everyone will eventually discover I’m not as capable as they think.”
15. “I always sabotage myself; success is just not meant for me.”

10 Negative self-talk examples around stress

1. “I can’t handle this stress; I’m weak and incapable.”
2. “Everyone else seems to cope better with stress than I do; I must be a failure.”
3. “I always get so stressed out; I’ll never be able to manage my emotions.”
4. “Stress is ruining my life; I’ll never find a way to escape it.”
5. “I’m such a mess when I’m stressed; I must be a burden to others.”
6. “I can’t perform well under pressure; I’ll never succeed in my career.”
7. “Stress is taking a toll on my health; I’ll probably end up sick and helpless.”
8. “I’m constantly stressed; there’s something wrong with me.”
9. “No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to reduce my stress levels.”
10. “I’m a failure for letting stress get the best of me; I should be stronger.”

10 Negative self-talk examples around body image

1. I’m so fat and unattractive; nobody will ever find me desirable.”
2. “I hate my body; I’ll never look good in anything I wear.”
3. “I’m too skinny; people must think I look sickly and weak.”
4. “My body is full of flaws; I’ll never be happy with how I look.”
5. “I’m not pretty enough; I wish I had someone else’s features.”
6. “I’ll never be as attractive as others; I’m always the least attractive person in the room.”
7. “My body is a mess; I can’t believe I let myself get this way.”
8. “I feel ashamed of my body; I avoid things I want to do because of how I look.”
9. “I’m not worthy of love or acceptance until I have the perfect body.”
10. “I’ll never be confident or successful because of how I look.

Stop Negative Self-Talk Meditation

6 Ways to stop negative self-talk

Stopping negative self-talk requires practice and patience. It’s absolutely not glamorous but more about building new habits for your old negative self-talk habits. Here are six effective ways to combat negative self-talk:

1. Practice Mindfulness: Become aware of your thoughts and observe them without judgment. Mindfulness allows you to recognize negative self-talk as it arises, helping you distance yourself from these thoughts and preventing them from consuming you. Be sure to check out the meditation above.
2. Challenge Negative Thoughts: When negative self-talk occurs, challenge the validity of those thoughts. Ask yourself if there is concrete evidence to support them. Often, negative thoughts are distorted and exaggerated, and challenging them can help break their power over you.
3. Reframe Negative Statements: Replace negative self-talk with more positive and balanced statements. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, “I always fail at everything,” reframe it as, “I’ve had setbacks in the past, but I’ve also achieved successes. Everyone experiences ups and downs.”
4. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend facing a difficult situation. Be gentle with yourself, acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes and encounters challenges.
5. Use Affirmations: Introduce positive affirmations or positive statements into your daily routine. Create uplifting statements about yourself and repeat them regularly to reinforce a more positive self-image. For example, “I am capable and resilient; I can handle whatever comes my way.”
6. Seek Support: Share your struggles with a supportive friend, family member, coach, or therapist. Sometimes, talking openly about your negative self-talk can provide perspective and help you gain insights into healthier ways of thinking.

Remember that stopping negative self-talk is an ongoing process, and it’s okay to have setbacks. Be patient with yourself and practice these techniques consistently. Over time, you’ll notice a positive shift in how you perceive yourself and the world around you.

Side-effects of constant negative thoughts and talk

Negative self-talk can have a wide range of negative side effects on an individual’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Some of the common negative side effects include:

1. Low Self-Esteem: Negative self-talk can erode self-confidence and self-worth, leading to feelings of inadequacy and a diminished sense of one’s value as a person.
2. Increased Stress and Anxiety: Constantly engaging in negative self-talk can heighten stress and anxiety levels as individuals internalize self-criticism and worry excessively about perceived shortcomings.
3. Depression: Negative self-talk can contribute to feelings of hopelessness and despair, which may exacerbate symptoms of depression.
4. Perfectionism: Negative self-talk often drives individuals to set unrealistically high standards for themselves, leading to perfectionism and a fear of failure.
5. Impaired Decision-Making: Negative self-talk can cloud judgment and lead to self-doubt, making it challenging to make clear and confident decisions.
6. Avoidance and Isolation: People experiencing negative self-talk may avoid social situations or opportunities for fear of judgment or rejection.
7. Relationship Issues: Negative self-talk can affect how individuals interact with others, leading to difficulties in forming and maintaining healthy relationships.
8. Physical Health Problems: Prolonged negative self-talk can contribute to physical health issues, including headaches, digestive problems, and weakened immune function.
9. Reduced Resilience: Negative self-talk can hinder an individual’s ability to bounce back from setbacks or challenges, making it harder to navigate through difficult times.
10. Impaired Performance: Negative self-talk can impact performance in various areas of life, including work, academics, and hobbies, as individuals may doubt their abilities and potential.
11. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: Negative self-talk can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy, as individuals may act in ways that reinforce their negative beliefs about themselves.
12. Rumination: Engaging in negative self-talk can lead to rumination, where individuals get stuck in a loop of negative thoughts and find it challenging to break free from them.

It’s Worth the Effort

Changing your self-talk into a type that is more supportive of what you are trying to create in your life will have a big impact on your happiness and overall well-being.

It is worth the effort it takes to change the habits of your mind. If you need help here are a few ways I can help:

• Free Coaching on my Globally Ranked Podcast: Align and Expand
• Join my email community where you will get weekly (ish) mindset tips and coaching to help you create a life authentic to your true self.
• 1-1 Coaching to help you stop the doubt and step into a purpose-driven life.

More Ways to Self-Growth

• Master Your Mind: 44 Affirmations to Calm Anxiety
• 30 Affirmations for Goals and Success
• Stop Procrastinating: 100 Affirmations to Boost Productivity