16: How to Spend Your Time Intentionally vs Reactively

Listen to episode 16 of Mind Over Blog on the player above, or find it on Apple, Spotify, G oogle Podcasts. 

Welcome to episode 16 of Mind Over Blog Podcast. This week on the podcast Loren is talking with Gretta Scholten and the conversation is awesome. This is definitely a can’t miss episode, as Loren dives into the mindset aspect of time management with Gretta.

She shares her wisdom about how our goal isn’t to change our circumstances, but to change how we feel about those circumstances and what we make those circumstances mean.

Last week on the podcast, Loren chatted about how to reframe jealousy when it creeps up in your life.

You can listen to that episode Hi Jealousy (It’s Me Again) here.

Spending your time intentionally

Gretta Scholten is a certified life coach who specializes in time management. She exclusively coaches women 1:1 to understand why the time management strategies they’ve tried before haven’t worked and what they need to do instead, so they can completely transform the way they interact and think about their time. 

Her approach is unique in that the focus to organization and time management is first fixed my working on your mindset. Gretta believes time management is the ability to spend your time intentionally instead of reactively.

In this episode you will learn:

• What time management is
• The indicators you may be struggling with time management: feeling overwhelmed, not feeling focused, not getting things done that you keep telling yourself, feeling like there isn’t enough time or too much to do.
• How to practice watching what you think to notice your thoughts on time
• The steps to reframe time and become more intentional with your daily living, relationships and business.
• How using a calendar to try and fix your overwhelm and to do list is like just using a band aid
• Thoughts that keep you in a disempowered state
• Lack of self trust, lack of confidence, camparisonitis

Transcript of the episode

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Loren Runion 0:21
Hello, gretta Welcome to the show.

Gretta Scholten 0:23
Hi, thanks for having me.

Loren Runion 0:25
I am very, very happy to have you here. I know that you are going to teach me so much. And I know that the listeners want to hear more about what we’re gonna talk about today. So today, we’re talking about time management. And I love your approach. I love how you help women with it. So it’s gonna be a really great episode.

Gretta Scholten 0:48
I am so excited to be here.

Loren Runion 0:50
Well, let’s start off with you just giving us an introduction about who you are, what it is that you do. And then I’d also love for you to share a little bit how you’ve gotten to where you are, because I know you and I originally found you within my food Instagram account, like for sweet rustic bass, and you’re a food photographer. And now you’re kind of in this coaching side. So I would love for you to share how you’ve gotten to where you are today.

Gretta Scholten 1:17
Yeah, so I’m Gretta Scholten I am a Time Management Coach for women, mostly female entrepreneurs, that tends to be who comes to me. And specifically, I have several food photographers and food bloggers as well. And I got here, I was actually an occupational therapist for many years, eight, nine years, and was just never satisfied and what I was doing, and I moved around a lot in terms of trying to find different settings. So I thought it was the setting was like, how about a hospital? No, how about a school? Also? No. So I just kind of had in the back of my mind, like, this is not it. And so then I found food photography, I had done, you know, portrait photography for years, just as a hobby for my friends and that type of thing. And found food photography and got super into it. And I don’t know, about two years into food photography. I just kind of had this like, Okay, this is close, but this isn’t it either. And I ended up finding the Life Coach School podcast in May of 2019. and is like, everything just kind of clicked at that point. For me. I was like, Okay, this is it. So I joined her group coaching program. And within months, I was like, Okay, I need to get certified as a coach. And it’s, it was an $18,000 program. So it was not anything I was quite prepared to invest in. But just kind of had the back of my mind that that’s something I wanted to do. And just March 2020 rolled around this is right before the pandemic really, you know, really hit here. And I just had this like, pull. I just was like, You know what, I’m just gonna do it. I, I took out a loan. I was like, I just, I want to make this happen. And it was just the best decision I’ve ever made. I’ve no regrets.

Loren Runion 3:12
That’s awesome. And I, her podcast, I haven’t listened to it a ton. I hear people talk about it all the time. And I have looked at her pricing. And I was like, woo!

Gretta Scholten 3:23
yeah, yeah. And it’s gone up since then, too. So yeah.

Loren Runion 3:27
But I’m sure I know that there’s value in it and I know, That’s amazing. And that’s awesome to hear. I love hearing people and their story and their journey and allowing themselves to pivot, especially when you know, you think you’re going to be one place, and then you end up in another and sometimes people are really resistant to that. So I love hearing when people are open to the possibility of possibilities.

Gretta Scholten 3:53
And I just didn’t see the point, I still had student loan debt. Like, I just, I guess that’s always been my mentality of like, if this isn’t it, I’m going to find, you know, I’m going to find the thing that that is it. And I just feel like I’m here now. And it’s been like a 10 year journey to get here. But it just it’s just worth it like I don’t know, there’s just, I don’t see the point in spending 30 years in something that you don’t want to do because you already put money into it. Like to me that just doesn’t, you know, it’s like, I don’t know, life’s too short.

Loren Runion 4:29
I agree with that. And I am sure that I can confidently say that there are people that you know, money holds people back from pursuing their dreams, whatever it is, whether it’s blogging or coming into like a coaching certification or anything taking that course it’s a big it’s a risk, especially when you’re not getting a return on investment. Yeah. I mean, I know that if we got into that topic, you can can say that when you put that energy out there. I mean it I’ve talked about before in other on other podcasts, it’s a universal law like you are going to get it back like that investment is going to come back to you tenfold. So yeah, 100% off topic, but totally, totally go down a bunny trail, and we might have a problem this episode. So why time management? Is that something that you’ve always excelled at? Or just loved? or?

Gretta Scholten 5:23
Yeah, I mean, I was, I was kind of a weird kid, and that I went to Disney World up as a five year old. And all I wanted to do was go to the gift shop and get a notebook and a pen and a fanny pack. So I think my brain has always been a little unorganized side. But not to say that I was perfect with it either. When I was in my job as an occupational therapist, and really miserable. I wasn’t waking up early before. I mean, I would literally wake up five minutes before I had to leave for work, do my makeup in the car like, I mean, I was not always like, on point by any stretch of the imagination. But I will say even throughout those times, nothing workwise fell through the cracks, it was more of like, my personal life, and my emotional health was what was falling through the cracks then, but I always got all of my work done and got it done on time. So I would say my brain just tend to be a little bit more organized. And I think that is a gift that I was given. I don’t know where that came from, but

Loren Runion 6:28
So let’s just like start with what time management is to you, and to like how you embrace it? And how would someone know that they need help with time management? Is it always having a sense of overwhelm? Is it a lack of focus? Is it never getting things done on their to do list like for you, and how you like work with time management? What does that mean to you?

Gretta Scholten 6:55
Yeah, so to me, time management is spending your time intentionally, instead of reactively. And in order to do that, you need to be aware of what you’re thinking about time because time isn’t this, like, rigid thing, it really is all time is is our thoughts about time. And I know that seems I don’t know, that’s not just talked about, I feel like in the world. So that really is what time is and it will, the way you think about time will impact your relationship with time and how you feel, which leads me to how someone would know if they need help with time management. And it’s everything that you named. And then some like feeling overwhelmed, not feeling focused, not getting things done that you keep telling yourself, you’re going to get done. Feeling like there isn’t enough time, or there’s too much to do. Feeling rushed. Like, I feel like there’s a you go on. Like there’s so many indicators that your relationship with time could use some repair, if you have any of those thoughts or feelings. Okay, procrastination is another really big one. Working

Loren Runion 8:03
I want to get into that,

Gretta Scholten 8:03
yeah, procrastination or even working more than you want to, we’re just kind of like described as like, kind of messy, where you’re just throwing everything at the wall. Because you’re not really sure what’s the most important thing. And so when you don’t know what the most important thing is, everything’s important.

Loren Runion 8:19
Hmm, that’s so good. And so because I haven’t necessarily introduced this topic out into my audience into the listeners yet, back onto what you said, and how time isn’t what we think it is. Just to give somebody a little bit of a example of what what Gretta means by that is that if you’ve ever had this experience of when Time flies by like, say, you’re in your car driving, and you suddenly get to your destination, you’re like, oh, that was really fast. And I don’t really know where time went, like, I’m sure everyone has had these experiences where time flew by, and that sense of time that we think we have wasn’t there. And then there’s other times in our lives where you’re like, this is the most painful poke my eye out experience. Why is this time going so slow? And that all has to do with like how we’re perceiving and thinking about that experience in time? Is that pretty accurate to what?

Gretta Scholten 9:19
Yeah, that’s a great example leave. Yeah. Yep. That’s a great example.

Loren Runion 9:24
Well, so then you talked about how it’s the thoughts about time. So what does that mean? Like? Does that mean, do I guess does do people even realize that they have bad thoughts about time?

Gretta Scholten 9:37
Absolutely not.

Loren Runion 9:40
Let’s go there.

Gretta Scholten 9:41
Yeah, it’s just that that’s the first place we start is people don’t know that. First of all, they’re having thoughts about time for the most part. If you haven’t practiced watching yourself, think you, you don’t even necessarily know that you’re having thoughts about time. So that’s the first place is just to start to notice what you’re thinking about time. And then once you start to notice, you’re probably you probably have thoughts of like, Oh my gosh, I’ve got so much to do. I don’t have enough time, I don’t know where to start, like, all of these thoughts like time turning the light on and a really messy room. You’re like, Oh my gosh, that’s a lot of thoughts. And those thoughts are what create our emotions, our feelings. And so if you’re really overwhelmed or your feeling stressed, It’s never coming from the things on your to do list or the things that you think you need to do. It’s always coming from the way that you think about those things.

Loren Runion 10:31
Very good.

Gretta Scholten 10:33
And I think most Yeah, they think most people think it’s coming from the things. Yeah, it’s not.

Loren Runion 10:39
And do you also talk about? Or do you consider it, placing your thoughts kind of in the future, like when you’re focusing on things that are not necessarily may not even happen, but are most definitely not happening in this moment? Do you? does that fit into the time management? Because a lot of the times when you think about overwhelm, and you’re thinking about anxiety that comes from us not being in our present moment, is that something that you kind of work into the time management, like mindset work?

Gretta Scholten 11:09
I’m kind, a little bit from a different approach than that. Yeah, I think it’s really just getting aware of what your thoughts are in the moment. And yes, like, if they are future focused, and they are worrying thoughts that are like, based on some future moment, then yes, we look at that. I don’t necessarily focus a lot on like the present moment, although that is where we focus our attention on our thoughts. So kind of Yes, kind of yes or no on that. And yeah, because you can think about the future and think about in a really positive way, you know, think about like possibility, and you know, all of the amazing things, and let’s just get really good use of your imagination versus thinking about the future and worrying.

Loren Runion 11:55
Very good. So then, what would be the next step.

So the next step is to notice that you what you’re thinking about, what would be the next step somebody does when they’re trying to like, so they are like so so say that you’ve just said this, and then the light bulb goes off, and they’re like, Oh, crap, I, you know, constantly say, how there isn’t enough time in my day, or they’re worrying and stressing about how busy their evening is going to be when they pick their kids up from school and they have to make dinner, what do they do next?

Gretta Scholten 12:25
Yeah, so I think two things, first of all, is just to really notice how whatever thought they’re thinking feels in their body. And just really make that connection, that that feeling in their body that you know, the overwhelm or the stress is coming from the thoughts. So I think that’s the first place because until you really make that connection, that it is coming from the thought you, you can’t really change that you can’t change the thought because you don’t know that’s the problem. So it’s really just kind of staying there with that thought. And in connecting it with that emotion. That’d be the first step. And then the other thing I like to do if you have a little bit more time, like, you know, a couple of minutes, is to write down the facts of the situation and what you’re making that that’s probably my my favorite journaling exercise, if you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed, is to write down everything you’re thinking, and then pull out the facts of that situation. Because those facts don’t make you feel anything at all, it’s a story, you’re telling yourself about those facts that are causing your emotions.

Loren Runion 13:25
That’s really good, very good. And so then, so say, someone goes in there like in the past, they’re like, I am going to get my crap together, I am going to make a to do list, I am going to stick to the to do list. And then I’m going to do this every day, I’m going to write out the top five things that I’m going to do and I’m going to put it in my calendar. And they try it and they stick with it for a couple of days. And then it always just like fades away and then they revert back to that overwhelm what happens there is that because they didn’t originally fix that time that that headspace the mindset of their time?

Gretta Scholten 14:03
Yeah, absolutely. You’re just, it’s kind of like a band aid fix when you just try to calendar to do list something. And it can work. But if you’ve got these patterns that are creating you to push things off, and procrastinate or you know, feel overwhelmed, those dominant patterns are going to win out. And the way I like to think about it is so that new pattern that you tried was like a to do list or a calendar is like a like imagine walking through a cornfield. Like you’re like it’s hard, you know, you’re like you are the one paving the way there’s like, obviously tons of stocks of corn, I don’t know I never grew up. But I imagine there’s like these giant stocks, of course, you know, like there’s no paved path. And that’s what that’s what’s happening in your brain is like this path isn’t paved, but you’re overwhelmed path is like a major highway. And you can get on that major highway really easily and really quickly and it’s easy for your brain to jump on that major highway instead of forging the path through the cornfield. So it’s going to revert back to that major highway. And so what we need to do is realize what that major highway leads you to. And then also be willing to put in the work to create new thoughts that create a different pathway for you. So if you’re, you know, intention is to feel calm or productive, we have to work actively on forging that calm, productive path in your brain. So it becomes as strong as the overwhelmed path. And it’s kind of like you’re cutting off the circulation to that overwhelmed path. So eventually, it does go away. It does die off. Kind of mixing metaphors here. But yeah,

no, I get it, It makes it completely clear and I like that, like cutting it off. I love that. And, and it’s important to know that, while that may sound really like overwhelming, maybe to people, that the more you take the highway or the more you like, I always think of it as like, a path in the woods, the more you take that path, you wear it down, but then when you try and go another way, you have to clear out the way and it takes some time to clear out the new path. And then it eventually becomes the easy path. But it takes work. And it’s okay for it to feel like it’s work for a moment in time. Yes, you’re trying to retrain your brain. And that’s completelynormal and okay. And safe.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think I think our just society as a whole, we’re like, so into, like quick fixes and instant gratification and like, it’s just so I think there is that like expectation to like, Okay, why is this not happening in a day like, well, we didn’t get to this other place of overwhelm in a day. So it’s going to take a little bit longer, but it is worth it. Because it is that will be your new normal. The overwhelm calm will be your new normal, it’s totally worth taking the time, and it doesn’t take as long it doesn’t need to take a long time, either.

Loren Runion 16:51
so what if someone says, Okay, I hear you, I need to change my mindset. But my situation is this, like, I work 50 hours a week at my normal job, I’m trying to grow my blog, I have to take care of my dogs or kids or you know, my grandma, I have this situation, how does my mindset change my current situation?

Gretta Scholten 17:11
Yeah, I mean, it, it’ll change, it’ll, it can change how you feel about your current situation. So the goal is to change the circumstances, it is to feel better about the circumstances that you have, and not even feel better, but just be aware of what you’re making those circumstances mean? Like, are you making them mean that you’re never going to be able to get there like, because if you hold on to that thought, you’re never going to get there. And you don’t, we don’t have to feel good about certain circumstances, you know, like, if a family member is sick, and that, you know, you’re helping take care of them. Like, the goal isn’t to like put a silver lining around that and be like, it’s rainbows and unicorns, and daisies, like, that’s not the point is do better about those types of things. But it is to choose your thoughts intentionally. And instead of thinking like, I’ll never get there, I’ve got too much to do. It’s like, Okay, what can I do today? What one step Can I take today? That’s going to move me along my path?

Loren Runion 18:03
That’s really good. I like that. And I love that you’re not saying that you have to be like puppies and rainbows, like, yeah, I always try and really like hammer in that it’s like positive and negative, but not meaning you have to have sprinkles and like rainbows. It’s positive, meaning you’re creating the reality once like, yes, you are having to deal with this crappy situation. But let’s like use words that create it to be a better situation versus a really terrible like, icky feeling.

Gretta Scholten 18:34
Yeah. Cuz, like, look at our circumstances and think like, well, that for sure means that I can’t do this. Like, no, that doesn’t mean that at all. And I think it’s just that that just empowering people to know that no matter what your circumstances, circumstances are, there is a next step for you to take in the direction of where you want to go. And you will get there.

Loren Runion 18:56
Yeah, and it’s so funny. We’re talking about this because today kind of have thought in the shower, showers are you know, I don’t know why you have good thoughts in the shower,like talking to myself in there. It’s totally if anybody ever witnessed that. They’d be like, She’s crazy. So I had the thought like, you know, people because I was thinking about time management, and people have these huge goals and desires. And then you are like, what, I can’t do this because I’m working full time. But I believe that you were given this desire at this exact moment in your life on purpose. And you weren’t given this desire, because you couldn’t do it and you can’t go after it. You were given this desire now while you’re busy because you’re supposed to be learning something along the way to get to this ultimate goal, which would be like learning, because like no matter what’s in a situation and if overwhelm is like one of your dominant feelings, you’re probably having that no matter what you’re doing in your life. So if you have it now when you’re working 40 hours and you think it’s going to go away? When you’re not working 40 hours and you just get to work on your blog, you’re probably not a very accurate statement.

Gretta Scholten 20:08
No it doesn’t Go away. Like your brain comes with you like it’s but your brain and that’s the thing, like your brain comes with you. And then you’re gonna apply your nine to five thinking to your, your new job. It’s just

Loren Runion 20:20
Yes.

Gretta Scholten 20:21
Unless you’re like addressing those underlying thoughts. 100% It comes with you. It’s the best and worst news?

Loren Runion 20:28
no, it is. And I so I 100% believe and know that what you’re saying is true. Because I’ve gone through that, like, I, I don’t remember when it was that I finally realized I was doing this. It’s been several months, and I just had this moment where I was like, holy crap, you do this with everything that you’re doing. It doesn’t matter if you’re working this huge corporate job managing huge teams of people. Or if you’re doing nothing at home, You feel overwhelmed all the time. So what you’re saying is so on point, . For the listeners, and

Gretta Scholten 20:59
I will say like, I was working, What year is it? 2021? Two years, like, what is time anymore? Um, so I was working. I mean, I was working two jobs. I was the breadwinner. Like, I just, I think it’s so great. I’m like, I got, I just, if I did it, I think anybody can do it. Like I was the breadwinner, I was working 50-60 hours a week, across two jobs. I, you know, and then I was doing food photography at, you know, nights and weekends. Like, I just, I think if you have a desire, and you have like that fire in your belly to go for it, you can make it happen. I mean, 100%, you could make it happen. It doesn’t matter your circumstances.

Loren Runion 21:39
That’s really good. And one of the things this might be a little kind of off topic, one of the things that I saw, I don’t know if I was like stalking your old stories, or where I saw it, but it was just very, it was so good. And a light bulb moment, I think probably for a lot of people. You were showing maybe your journal, and it was an entry about how you were kind of complaining about the people in the house not helping out helping out? Yeah, and it’s such a good thing for people to like, hear and hopefully absorb that you can have this like attitude of like, oh, nobody helped me out or on the house. If if people would help me do this, things would feel easier. And again, that’s not what you’re saying needs to happen, right?

Gretta Scholten 22:18
Yeah, no, for sure not because it’s so we think that’s what we need. And it’s really not what we need. And it just, it just keeps you in a very disempowered place, when you’re like, expecting everyone else to do things for you, it actually feels really good to take responsibility for yourself, and for your own emotions. And I mean, like I said, I literally I do the same chores as I did five years ago. But the way I feel about doing them and taking care of them are they couldn’t be more different. I used to be very, you know, like, angry and be in blame and frustrated. And now I’m like, I do the exact same things. And I don’t even think twice about it. And like oh, yeah, it’s like, we’re just doing that. Because I love having a clean house. I love it. No one else cares that I love it.

Loren Runion 23:05
Are you to the point where doing those things? Or maybe the things that you used to feel a little bitter about you never feel that way? Or are you to the point where maybe you occasionally catch yourself feeling that way? And you know, you now know how to handle those feelings and emotions.

Gretta Scholten 23:21
i would say every now and then like, especially if I’m tired. You know, when obviously when we’re tired. We’re just our emotional health is just not quite as strong. But yeah, suddenly, every now and then very rarely. And I’m like, Oh, that’s funny. That’s cute, that that’s going back up, like whatever. And then I’m able to like shift back really quickly. So yeah, it’s not to say never. But I mean, maybe once or twice a month. Like if that it’s just not very often. And yeah, I’m able to shift out of it really quickly.

Loren Runion 23:52
That’s good. So what about when people say they’re going to do things? And then they never follow through with what they’re going to do? Isn’t that a time management problem? I guess that probably falls a little into procrastination, like. A chronic procrastinator.

Gretta Scholten 24:13
Yeah. Yeah. And I think I mean, there’s several, several reasons why people procrastinate, there’s like, I think 40 reasons why people procrastinate, it’s crazy. If you look it up, like reasons why people procrastinate. Yeah, and so I think there are lots of reasons why that happens. I mean, some of the most common ones are like, you know, you aren’t being specific about what you’re going to do. You give yourself way too many things to do. Or you aren’t like the things that you give yourself to do are like these kind of big, giant, vague tasks that seem very overwhelming. So usually, the problem with a lot of that is either it’s too much or too vague. There’s like, long story short on maybe why people don’t do what they say they’re going to do. And then there’s also this identity level of, you know, I’m just not a person who does x y. Lindsay, and that’s the other thing that we would want to look at too, is building their new identity and being very future focused and deciding who they’re going to be. And you start becoming that person in the moment. And you do it in very small ways. Like, what would she be thinking? What would she be feeling? He or she, I hear male listeners do it. I want to exclude anybody. Yeah, really just like looking and building that new identity right now in this moment? And taking those small steps into becoming that person.

Loren Runion 25:32
And do you find that when someone when so if they’re putting on too much like, say that they are doing, saying they’re going to do too many things, like it’s too big of a chunk to handle? it’s like they keep coming up with more, I guess said this in a previous podcast that hasn’t aired yet. Like you make plans for your plans.

Gretta Scholten 25:54
Yeah.

Loren Runion 25:55
Is it that you need to break the goal down? Or is it that like, what happens when you just keep doing that to yourself? Is it? Like, in my opinion, it’s almost like, you’re convincing your subconscious mind that you’re not worth it like you that your goals And that what you want isn’t worth it. Because you’re showing it that like, you never follow through with what you say you’re going to do.

Gretta Scholten 26:14
Yeah,

I do think there is like a, it’s a skill to be learned. And I think, you know, I think I think anybody can learn this skill, but yes, I think it is, you can break it down. And then just picking the first small thing on that list. And I think starting small is so so important, especially if you have this identity and his belief that you’re around you’re you know, yourself and you’re doing that you’re not a person who does something, you have to start building that in a very small, very tangible way. So even if like just I don’t even know, exercise, I’ll just take something really easy. Like, if you’re someone who doesn’t exercise, I wouldn’t ever, like I wouldn’t recommend being like schedule in 45 minutes for an intense weight training session. Like, seriously, put a three 5-10 minute walk on your calendar, and do that. And if that’s even hard, like calendar in, put on shoes, change into, you know, gym clothes, and like really breaking it down to the first small step. And then once you’re doing that consistently, then you start to build that up slowly. I think people just you know, they overwhelm themselves by giving themselves very vague, very large things and your brain our brains just see that are our brains are trained to seek pleasure, avoid pain. And what’s the other I totally forgot? seek pleasure, avoid pain, and conserve energy. Yes, that’s the third one. And a new giant task is none of those things.

Loren Runion 27:40
Well, and then to kind of add to that, like, if you’re, your brains will always revert back to the belief that they know like, you went in because you related it to weight loss. I think that it’s always really helpful when you’re talking about something new that somebody may not even know they’re struggling with to relate it to something like everyone. if you’re a woman on here, I guarantee you’ve probably had some kind of weight loss story or something. And if you’ve gone on a diet, and then the diet didn’t stick, the diet wasn’t the problem. Or it could have been there’s some pretty crappy. The like you You started with these external things, just like you would with starting with a calendar, the reason it didn’t stick is because you didn’t change those underlying beliefs first, and become the person who has already lost the weight, like you said, so it’s, so to kind of relate that back to something who some of you may have already experienced to something with time management. I mean, I think that’s a really good example.

Gretta Scholten 28:38
Yeah, the other thing I’ll say, too, that pops up really frequently in my clients is perfectionism. And a lot of my clients would not identify themselves as perfectionist. But that can be a huge cause of procrastination as well. Like, I did not know, I was a perfectionist, but like, but apparently, as it turned out, I have like all these lists on my phone of like, of things I would like, not post anymore on my Instagram back when I was doing food photography, because they didn’t get engagement. And essentially, like my brain loves to create arbitrary rules. And so I would just say like, if you don’t think you’re a perfectionist, but you create a lot of rules for yourself, that may be another reason why you’re having trouble getting into action, too, is because you have a very high bar for what’s acceptable in terms of your output. And your brain knows it’s going to be nearly impossible to reach that goal. So why even try? Like we can’t do it perfectly. let’s not let’s not try for that. Because we know we will be really mean to ourselves on the back end when we fall short of that bar. So I think that’s important to talk about your two in terms of procrastination and not doing what you say you’ll do. I see that just so often.

Loren Runion 29:51
And does that ultimately boil down to a fear of failure?

Gretta Scholten 29:53
Yeah, fear of failure, the only thing I see too is like fear of what other people will think thats another huge one that plays into this too,

Loren Runion 30:02
That goes into perfectionism?

Gretta Scholten 30:07
Really deeply worrying what people will think. And they’re going to let people down or disappoint them by like, what they’ve produced. So like, probably the one of the most common things I coach on is that right there.

Loren Runion 30:21
I like that. I like that those are really good points. And so then along with that, what about people who say, who would like, say they’ve started, maybe they’re, I don’t know, one part of their business, but they have a really big goal to start another part of their business and they just say, I’m too busy right now in my life, I’m gonna wait until XYZ, like I’m gonna wait until I pay off my student debt. I’m gonna wait until you know, my kids in kindergarten, whatever it is, I’m gonna insert whatever variable. What about that scenario?

Gretta Scholten 30:52
Yeah, what you’re really saying to yourself in that moment, as I want to, I’m going to wait until I’m ready. And you create ready for yourself, no one’s ever ready to do anything. You’re never, when you have those external things, you’re not going to feel ready than either. And so you’re just that I think it does boil down to some fear and not realizing that. A lot of times these things aren’t supposed to be comfortable. I would say anything business related, that’s new, is probably not going to be comfortable. It’s not supposed to be you’re doing something new, and you are for sure, you know, gonna have failures along the way. And yeah, delaying it to some future time. Does it make it any easier. And it won’t prevent failure.

Loren Runion 31:36
I have a couple of things to say that I want to dive I really love that you said ,create ready for yourself? I’ve never heard that before. Like, let’s talk about that. More. What that just more because I You said it really like, I want people to hear that you create ready for yourself like you don’t wait to feel ready. You decide that you are and you’re gonna go after it. Is that basically?

Gretta Scholten 31:57
Yeah, 100% because you’re never ready. Never. It just doesn’t. There’s not some time in place where you’re going to arrive and be like, Yes, I am ready. because really what you’re saying is like, I’m ready to fail, I’m willing to fail. I’m willing to be bad at this. I mean, we’re not obviously conscious that that’s what we’re saying. When you’re saying I’m ready. It’s just Yeah, because we think we’re gonna feel good, you know, and feel secure and feel competent. And it’s just it’s not true. You don’t, you build that along the way.

Loren Runion 32:27
When we’re not wired to feel safe stepping outside of our comfort zone, we I mean, it is our subconscious job to keep us safe. And it doesn’t know that you’re not going to starve to death. If you decide you’re going to purchase a photography course I know that when you take that step, whatever it is, that you’re not going to, you know, it thinks it’s going to die, basically. It’s not going to feel good like that. It’s just not going to and so one of the there was an affirmation that I told someone today that I am comfortable feeling uncomfortable, would be really good to use for someone who is trying to get into that space of creating ready for themselves.

Gretta Scholten 33:07
Yeah, yeah, I think willing to Yeah, totally expecting it to be uncomfortable. And recognizing that that doesn’t mean anything has gone wrong. It actually means you’re on the right track, if you’re feeling uncomfortable.

Loren Runion 33:20
Okay, so we have gone through like a lot of really good things. We’ve kind of talked about how someone would recognize if they’re having time management tied to time management issues. And then, I mean, is it ever about being more organized? Or is it only about mindset? Or is the Can you find that? It’s both?

Gretta Scholten 33:40
Yeah, I mean, I think organization comes like external organization comes from an organized mind first. Like you have to get your mind organized first, and then your your external world will become organized. And yes, like, I do think there’s some strategy things that you can do in terms of getting super clear about, like, say, your food photography process, you know, how you go from, you know, cooking or baking something all the way through to, you know, editing and publishing the photo, like I think getting very clear about that process can be useful. But you’re not going to get there from a disorganized mind.If that makes sense.

Loren Runion 34:17
Yeah. And people really struggle with how to fit it all in. And I think you kind of said this, in the very beginning is that you have to get clear on what’s important. But you may not be able to fit all of these things. And yeah, not all of them are important. Like you may think that that’s going to move the needle forward in your business, but ultimately, it’s not like getting clear on what it is that you want in your business at this moment, or maybe this quarter, and then kind of approaching it from there.

Gretta Scholten 34:43
Yeah. 100% I think people just in general, try to do way too much. And it’s really getting clear on like, okay, like what are the you know, if your goal is to make money, like okay, what are the money making activities, or your goal is to increase audience size or engagement, like just picking one thing and just going Really hard on that and, and treating it like an experiment to like you may not know what’s going to, you know, create more money for you or create more engagement or create more followers, whatever your goal is, and just setting a well defined time to just experiment and just see, you know, okay, this month, I’m going to try these three things. And then at the end of the month, I’m gonna assess and see, you know, did that get me closer to where I wanted to go? You know, what did I learn?

Loren Runion 35:27
That’s really good. What else? What else do you think is important for us to like, chat about for anyone who’s kind of new to time management or knows they’re struggling with or maybe listening? And they’re like, crap, that’s my issue. Like, is there anything else that you feel like is really important for someone to take away after listening to this episode?

Gretta Scholten 35:46
Yeah, I think it just goes back to just really starting to be aware that your thoughts are, what are creating your experience of time right now. And it’s totally fixable, totally fixable, like, you don’t have to stay this way. It’s really easy, and it’s really solvable. And you even if you don’t think that you’re, you know, quote, unquote, like organized person, or someone who’s good with time, it doesn’t mean that you can’t become that person, like, there’s no DNA test to be like, Oh, yes, you are destined to forever be disorganized. Like, that’s just not how it works, it really is just a skill to be learned. And it can get better. They know, like, it probably feels very overwhelming and frustrating. And I know there’s a lot of, you know, can be a lot of shame and self judgment that come along with that. Because, you know, if you do have desires, and you’re just can’t figure out how to make that happen for yourself. It feels really frustrating. I mean, I’ve been there, I know what that’s like, and it doesn’t feel good. And it can feel very much like, you’re going to be stuck there forever. And you don’t have to you You won’t be You don’t have to be like you just keep taking the next step.

Loren Runion 36:55
And, you know, I think there’s a lot of comparison out there when people especially if you’re in the Instagram community, like you see people who are putting out content, and they compare themselves to how much content that other person is putting out. I mean, a) they don’t know what what their mental state is. no idea how well they’re handling that.

Gretta Scholten 37:17
Yeah.

Loren Runion 37:17
And like, I guess it’s just, I mean, I don’t I really like that you said that you can feel shameful, because I’ve been putting yourself in that situation and Instagram and seeing that can even trigger, having those feelings of not having the time. But really, it ultimately doesn’t boil down to that. And if I’m guessing that if you come into a better space about your time, and you learn to create, like that good mindset around it. You don’t have those bitter feelings.

Gretta Scholten 37:45
I mean, yeah, yeah, for sure. And I think a lot of things that are a lot of times what comes up for my clients, is a lack of self trust. And I think it’s really interesting that I mean, I see that in almost all my clients, and that looks like, you know, a lack of self confidence, not sure you know, what to post, not sure, you know, like, a lot of comparison to other people, and not really feeling like they have their voice. And, you know, trying to measure up to other people that just comes up so often. And it’s just, it breaks my heart because it’s just, you know, the world needs more of you. And you really leaning into your voice and your passions and what’s interesting to you, and how you see food and it’s just I try so hard.

Loren Runion 38:32
I have one more question for my brain. So I don’t want to answer and say like, I love interesting and you’re like your take for anyone on the fence with like mindset words, I’m really just kind of entertaining the idea of starting to work so idea into their lives about how your thoughts create your reality. Like, how or where do you think you would be right now in your life? If you wouldn’t have started to implement this mindset work that you have done?

Gretta Scholten 39:04
Yeah, I would say you don’t have to believe anything we say. It’s a first of all, like, I know, if you know, I’m trying to be convinced of something I’m, I’m the diversity is like, No, I’m going to think about it my way. So it’s going to offer like, you totally don’t have to take any of this on. I like to play around like, Okay, what if maybe they’re right, and like, not even for the rest of my life? I have to believe this. Like maybe for the next 10 minutes I’ll play around with Okay, what if How could they be right about this? The other thing I would say is if I had never found this work, and I found that through self help books back in, like 2015 2016 I mean, I would for sure still be working two jobs as an occupational therapist, I would still be feeling like there was something wrong with me. Like I had somehow missed the memo on how to be a happy person or Like I was just I, back then I just thought there was something wrong with me, I just thought that I was just an unhappy person, it was because of how I grew up, it was because of, you know, the experiences that I had, and like, there was just something wrong with me. And I would just, I don’t, I would just not be in a great place. Like, I just, it’s totally transformed my life in such a short period of time, that I just can’t imagine where I would be without this work. I just can’t. It’s so hard to think about because I was just so unhappy all the time. And I was so stressed out. And did you know, just so worried, and they cared so much about what everybody else thought of me? And I had such a tangent that, like such a crappy relationship with my mom, and I thought it was her fault. And you know, like, it’s just impacted me in so many ways, or is it an area of my life that is untouched by this work? Yeah. And it’s just transformed my entire life? Yeah, absolutely. So I would just say, you know, play around with the idea of like, maybe, maybe this is true. And maybe it is just my thoughts that are creating my feelings. I think that might even be a nice, like, baby step to start with of like, okay, maybe my thoughts are creating my feelings. And this is how I know I’m going to write down everything that I’m thinking right now that I think are causing my emotions. And then I’m going to like, look at the facts of the situation where everybody would agree on like, the sky is blue, or you know, whatever. And then the rest of it is a story that I’m telling myself. And it’s really starting there and being patient and not trying to force yourself to think anything, I think would be where I would, I would say, to start,

Loren Runion 41:43
that’s really good advice. It’s, it’s perfect. And I think that’s kind of where, where I was at,

when I first started thinking about this. Im like, I don’t have a negative mindset. I just think, practical. I just think realistically what could happen. And then I was like, maybe I am creating, like, if the positives that can create the positive and I’m thinking, Well, I’m just being realistic about this, like, I’m realistically approaching the fact that my evenings gonna suck, because I’m going to be so busy. That’s just fact. And I’m like, oh, maybe I did create that. Let’s try that. So I think that’s amazing advice. gretta. Thank you so much for this amazing conversation. It was so good. And you shared so many tips. I would love for everyone to be able to go and find you. So if you could share where the best place for that is for anyone to come and follow along or work with you if they would like to do that.

Gretta Scholten 42:37
Yeah, so I hang out mostly on Instagram at gretta gr e TTA. underscore scholten sC h o LTeN. And then I also have a website gretta coaches.com. They can come find me there as well. Perfect. Well, thank

Loren Runion 42:55
you so much for being on the show and sharing your expertise with us. And I really appreciate it.

Gretta Scholten 43:01
I thank you so much for having me. It was a blast.

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